I am very happy in my post-menopausal desire-less state. I always felt an underlying sadness about my perennial singleness but now I'm free of any interest in men other than as people who might be interesting to talk to. It's wonderful - like being a prepubescent child except grown up with my own house and money! What's not to like about that? The icing on the cake will be when I'm retired and can do whatever I want all the time - even better :)
thank you Stephanie for articulating what I, and probs a lot of women, feel about desire. I remember completing your survey. I put my disappearance of desire down to a menopause thing, don't really know, but it seems unfair to me that part of my body has "shut down" while men my age ( mid 50s) still have an active libido. sigh.
Re the pleasant heterosexual man young enough to be your son, apparently it happens.
The brother of my eldest son's ex-girlfriend (got that?) is 26. At 20 he started dating a woman who was.......72! Now, my son says this boy has always had a thing for older women; he idolises Helen Mirren. There is nothing weird about this boy. He is extremely intelligent, both intellectually and emotionally, very good-looking, and has an excellent relationship with his (somewhat vexed, but resigned) parents.
The relationship broke up after about 18 months when her 40-something son found out about it and forbad it, as though it's ok to tell your widowed mother whom she can date. Much weeping ensued and several counselling sessions over wine between me, others and the young man.
Then he took up with another woman around 70. Just over two years later he broke it off.
He has also dated women his own age.
None of us can get our heads around these relationships. Why would such a young, good-looking man want to date OLD women, and why would said women want to date someone so young??
Whatever, their desire has evidently not died. (Yes, both relationships were physical...)
I’ve been giving this a lot of thought recently, after starting medication that seems to have obliterated the last remnants of desire I was holding on to.
Again, thanks for sharing so much that's interesting and thought-provoking here, Stephanie. I thought that parsnip was a side of beef. Sorry not to offer something more insightful as a first response. Mulling it over!
Thx for this article, Stephanie. I went 10 years without a relationship due to grief. The grief completely obliterated my desire. Moving on after that, it's back! I can only comment as a lesbian btw. I feel that now there are so many ways of being connected with another person. I call it the era of the 'deconstructed relationship'. People don't necessarily want that traditional relationship anymore and find a myriad of ways to fulfill desire. I believe that I only got my desire back after getting out there again and meeting more people.
I am very happy in my post-menopausal desire-less state. I always felt an underlying sadness about my perennial singleness but now I'm free of any interest in men other than as people who might be interesting to talk to. It's wonderful - like being a prepubescent child except grown up with my own house and money! What's not to like about that? The icing on the cake will be when I'm retired and can do whatever I want all the time - even better :)
thank you Stephanie for articulating what I, and probs a lot of women, feel about desire. I remember completing your survey. I put my disappearance of desire down to a menopause thing, don't really know, but it seems unfair to me that part of my body has "shut down" while men my age ( mid 50s) still have an active libido. sigh.
Re the pleasant heterosexual man young enough to be your son, apparently it happens.
The brother of my eldest son's ex-girlfriend (got that?) is 26. At 20 he started dating a woman who was.......72! Now, my son says this boy has always had a thing for older women; he idolises Helen Mirren. There is nothing weird about this boy. He is extremely intelligent, both intellectually and emotionally, very good-looking, and has an excellent relationship with his (somewhat vexed, but resigned) parents.
The relationship broke up after about 18 months when her 40-something son found out about it and forbad it, as though it's ok to tell your widowed mother whom she can date. Much weeping ensued and several counselling sessions over wine between me, others and the young man.
Then he took up with another woman around 70. Just over two years later he broke it off.
He has also dated women his own age.
None of us can get our heads around these relationships. Why would such a young, good-looking man want to date OLD women, and why would said women want to date someone so young??
Whatever, their desire has evidently not died. (Yes, both relationships were physical...)
I’ve been giving this a lot of thought recently, after starting medication that seems to have obliterated the last remnants of desire I was holding on to.
Again, thanks for sharing so much that's interesting and thought-provoking here, Stephanie. I thought that parsnip was a side of beef. Sorry not to offer something more insightful as a first response. Mulling it over!
Me too! Ha!
Thx for this article, Stephanie. I went 10 years without a relationship due to grief. The grief completely obliterated my desire. Moving on after that, it's back! I can only comment as a lesbian btw. I feel that now there are so many ways of being connected with another person. I call it the era of the 'deconstructed relationship'. People don't necessarily want that traditional relationship anymore and find a myriad of ways to fulfill desire. I believe that I only got my desire back after getting out there again and meeting more people.